Home Field Advantage

For generations, parents have sought to equip their children for adulthood. As home schoolers, we take on the full responsibility of preparation, including educational, spiritual, social and practical preparation.

As a somewhat seasoned home schooler, I was thrilled with our children’s academic progress. They were whizzing through their studies. Their spiritual growth was progressing, with the usual stops and starts, spurts and sputters. I knew where their hearts were and I was cheered by their growing wisdom.

As our family grew in numbers (we only have four), I found myself becoming increasingly burdened and frustrated. I simply had too much to do. In trying to be the supermom home schooler, I was ignoring the most important resource right under my nose - the children! In the process, I was shortchanging them in valuable life education.

There are many who have already figured this out and have mobilized the workforce in their homes. I am a slow learner. I was also raised in a generation in which my parents sought “something better” for their children. That “something better” translated into a focus on education and achievement and away from hearth and home. As a result, I reached adulthood and motherhood with some real gaps in my own practical education. I did not want the same fate for my children. I wanted them to be equipped for however God would seek to use them in their lives - in the kitchen or the courtroom. Just because I had been educated in schools, undergraduate schools and law school, I had missed some crucial lessons.

While I was in college and law school, I know an awful lot of young people who knew very little about real life. They were often bright, talented folks who couldn’t balance a checkbook and didn’t know how to cook or do the laundry. The “something different” that I wanted for my children was for them to be exposed to quality academics, but I also wanted them to learn life skills.

And so I began to pray about what it was that my children would need to succeed and survive in the world of work and relationships. I began to think about what the children would be like when they were in their first homes of when they married. What would they need to take to those situations?

They say in management philosophy that you need to begin a project with the end in mind. As a Christian, I try to live my life with the end in mind too - eternity! The inevitable “end” of the at-home years of parenting will be seeing our children as adults. What will they be like? I don’t mean what careers will they choose, or will they home school their children, but rather how will they manage their everyday lives?

The needs of adults fall into three basic categories: the public, the personal and the family. Each of these broad areas divides into fourteen distinct categories which fall nicely into what I call my “Maxims of Maturity.” These include people skills, in and around the home skills, life navigation skills, time organization, space organization, money management, healthy lifestyle skills, healthy mind skills, spiritual habits, decision making skills, creative skills and celebration skills.

The trap that many adults fall into is to emphasize one aspect of life over all the others. Perhaps they are over committed at work which leads to them being under connected at home. Maybe they are ignoring their personal needs, which causes their family to suffer. If we can teach and encourage our children to keep all of these areas in balance and to keep God at the center of it all, perhaps they can sidestep the traps of life which we ourselves may have fallen into at one time or another in our lives.

Teaching life skills is about teaching responsibility. My first Maxim of Maturity states that responsibility begins in small things. If we start too early or too late to expect things from a child, we may be grooming a child who can’t do anything for himself or others. Of course, this concept is fundamental. Matthew 25:21 tells us, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.”

In order to combat the world’s philosophy of the importance of self esteem, we train our children to feel good about being competent. In the home, even a small child can learn simple helpful routines, such as putting clothes away or folding towels, which give them a feeling of belonging and feeling valued. As the small child grows, his coordination, ability and understanding increases. So can their level of responsibility in the home.

Even a child of two or three can begin to dress himself, help make his bed, pick up toys, hang up some clothing, empty light trash cans, carry plates to the sink, sweep, bring in the mail or newspaper, mop a small area, pull weeds or fetch a diaper for a younger sibling. A child of four or five can do all of the above, plus set the table, dust, water plants, help more in the kitchen, help rake and wash the car, sort clothing, and help dry dishes. The child of six to twelve is a quick learner and can assume even greater responsibility around the house, such as taking care of pets without being reminded, vacuuming, being completely responsible for dishes, taking out the trash and using the washer and dryer with proper training. By the time a child is thirteen or fourteen, they should be able to most of the tasks around the house independently - if you have taken the time to teach them step-by-step along the way.

My second Maxim of Maturity involves people skills and asserts that children must learn to get along with others and to resolve and manage conflict on their own. This starts at home with their parents and siblings.

At the basis of good people skills is teaching our children that the universe does not revolve around them. This knowledge is called compassion and is sometimes difficult for a self-centered child to learn. It involves putting the other person first and looking beyond oneself. Some people never learn it.

Not tolerating unkindness and seeking out opportunities to serve others will begin to instill this value in your children. Teach them that in a family, a church, a town, a society, that we all serve each other. This is biblical citizenship.

Fighting children, as much as they annoy us, are practicing how to resolve conflict. They need to learn to disagree, because the world of work and marriage will be full of disagreements. Instead of rushing to resolve squabbles, let them try to work them out themselves. Give them big jobs to do together to give them an opportunity to learn teamwork.

Finally, with regard to people skills, study the meaning of true friendship with your child. Teach them to distinguish between friends and acquaintances and impress upon them the importance of choosing friends with good character.

The third Maxim of Maturity involves the home. Everyone lives somewhere. It is a challenge to take care of that place and to make it a haven from which to nourish ourselves and others. Teach your children how to shop, cook, clean and do their laundry. Take them with you as you do these things. Share with them your little tricks and shortcuts. When the are in their own homes, they and their spouses will thank you!

My fourth Maxim of Maturity acknowledges that it’s a great big, and sometimes uncertain, world out there, and our children need to navigate it safely. Some boundaries in life are joyous, such as taking the training wheels off a bicycle, or allowing a child a little larger boundary in your neighborhood. Other boundaries are unpleasant, such as teaching them about strangers, drugs and how to be safe in public restrooms. Yet, if you do not acknowledge these things and teach your child to navigate them safely, who will?